A simple guide to treating yourself with the same warmth you give everyone else.

Black and white lotus blooming in soft light, symbolizing inner healing and self-kindness.

If I had understood myself a little earlier, life might have felt much less heavy.

Why We’re Often the Harshest to Ourselves

For a long time, I was strangely strict with myself.
I spoke kindly to others, but when it came to me,
my tone was cold, sharp, and impatient.

A small mistake was enough for me to say,
“Really? This again? Why can’t you do better?”

It’s funny—
I knew how deeply words could hurt someone,
yet I assumed I could speak to myself however I wanted.
Back then I believed being hard on myself was the only way to grow,
but now I see it clearly:
that belief didn’t make me stronger.
It only made me exhausted.

It Wasn’t Life That Crushed Me—It Was My Own Inner Voice

Looking back, most of my hardest seasons weren’t caused by major failures
but by the sentences that kept looping in my head:

“You’re falling behind.”
“Everyone else is doing better.”
“Why can’t you get it right?”

If a real person said those things to me every day,
I would’ve cut ties immediately.
Yet I tolerated that voice simply because it was mine.

That’s when I learned something important:
Adulthood isn’t just about paying bills or solving problems—
it’s about changing the way you speak to yourself.

The One Sentence That Helped Me Stand Back Up

During a period when everything felt too heavy,
there was one sentence that quietly kept me going:

“This too shall pass.”

Those words became a small chair for my tired mind—
a place to sit, breathe, and wait for the storm to soften.
Even on days when I felt stuck,
reminding myself that this moment is temporary
gave me enough strength to keep moving.

That’s when I realized:
What I needed wasn’t pressure—
but a little kindness wrapped in a single sentence.

Why I Held On to My Past Mistakes for So Long

I spent years replaying old mistakes:
the wrong choices,
the unnecessary arguments,
the things I wish I hadn’t said.

But one day it hit me—
the very fact that I’m embarrassed about those moments now
means I’ve grown.

The person I was back then
did the best they could with what they knew.
Recognizing that allowed me to loosen my grip on the past
and finally offer the present version of myself
a bit of compassion.

The Thing We Lose Most as Adults: Praise

As we get older, the world stops giving out praise.
No more “You did great today,”
or “I’m proud of you,”
or “That must have been hard—good job getting through it.”

I went years without hearing anything like that,
and I forgot how to acknowledge myself, too.

But eventually, I realized something:
Adults don’t need more pressure.
They need recognition—
and sometimes the only person who can give it
is themselves.

Finishing a task you’ve been avoiding,
choosing not to argue,
stepping back from a draining relationship—
these are quiet, mature decisions.
And they deserve to be noticed.

So now I tell myself,
“Good job today. Really.”
It felt awkward at first,
but strangely, it keeps me going.

In the End, What I Needed Most Was Time

For years, I criticized myself for slowing down,
for not improving fast enough,
for not being as strong as I thought I should be.

But growth doesn’t work like that.
It takes time to rise after falling,
time to understand a lesson,
time to become the version of yourself you’re trying to be.

Being kind to myself didn’t mean lowering the bar.
It meant giving myself permission to be human—
to pause, to breathe, to learn.

We show patience to others so easily,
yet we rarely give that same patience to ourselves.
But the truth is simple:
we deserve the same understanding we offer to the people we care about.