Are you spending to feel better or to belong? Discover how breaking social expectations can save your money—and your peace.
“Everyone’s doing it—kind of feels weird if you don’t.”
That’s what a coworker said about her new Pilates studio.
Next thing I knew, I was browsing reformer classes, booking a $280/month membership, and shopping for Lululemon sets.
But then I paused and asked myself: Do I actually enjoy Pilates—or do I just like the idea of it?
When You Don’t Have a Spending Standard, You End Up Living Someone Else’s Life
Spending isn’t just about money.
It reflects your values, identity, and direction.
The problem? Most people spend not based on what they want—but what they think they should want.
As financial psychologist Richard James puts it:
“Most of our spending isn’t about utility. It’s a response to our need for belonging.”
(Source: Psychology of Spending, APA 2021)
So ask yourself:
Are you choosing freedom—or social pressure?
What I Gave Up Wasn’t Pilates. It Was a False Sense of Aspiration
At first, Pilates felt like a smart wellness choice.
But soon it was costing me over $500 a month—between private sessions, gear, and class packs.
The bigger cost, though, was emotional: I felt more obligation than joy.
So I stopped.
And I wrote down one sentence:
→ “This is not what I really want.”
With that time and money, I started hiking, journaling, and reading again.
Less spending. More meaning.
Want to Spend Less? Break Down Your Desires First
Here’s the 3-step filter I still use to challenge my own purchases:
1. “Is this truly my desire?”
Example:
-
A $1,200/month Tesla lease. Do I need it? Or am I craving status on the freeway?
-
The latest iPhone Pro Max. Is it about performance—or validation?
2. “What emotion am I trying to buy?”
Example:
-
$18 Erewhon meal → Craving a sense of wellness, not food.
-
$120 Lululemon leggings → Trying to feel like someone who works out.
-
5 impulsive desserts at Whole Foods → A sugary distraction from loneliness.
3. “If I don’t buy this, what really changes?”
Example:
-
Subscriptions: Hulu, HBO Max, Netflix, Peacock. I only watch one.
-
$8 Starbucks coffee: Cutting one per week saves $32/month.
-
DoorDash delivery: 15-minute drive turned into $30 because I didn’t feel like leaving the house.
According to MIT Sloan’s 2022 study:
“80% of emotion-based spending is disconnected from actual need.”
(Source: Behavioral Economics of Millennials, MIT Sloan, 2022)
You Don’t Need Spending Freedom—You Need Decision Freedom
A friend in Silicon Valley used to spend 30% of his paycheck on tech gear.
Eventually, he did a digital detox and cut his spending categories to five.
He set up automatic savings and started measuring wealth in terms of options, not possessions.
That one shift turned him from a consumer into an investor.
Pilates Isn’t the Problem. Blind Spending Is.
If Pilates is your true joy—go for it.
But if it’s just something “everyone’s doing,” hit pause.
Because the real cost of unintentional spending isn’t money.
It’s direction. And direction comes from your own standard—not someone else’s trend.
Every dollar you spend is a choice.
Was that choice really yours?
Or did someone else make it for you?
Post a Comment